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The Breast Cancer Foundation has run out of funding for the year; I am on the Susan Komen Foundation list, but so are thousands of others. I take this a day at a time. The one lump that was once like a pea is now very pronounced and large, and it was a shock to hear there is now a new one. It’s hard not be scared, but sh*t happens…we deal with it, right? It’s not the first time I have faced diversity, and really is giving up an alternative? I will take the path God has led me on and I am ready regardless of the outcome.
I dunno...it's sometimes so hard to believe. Trying to find the humor in all this; I have lost my dearest husband to a drunken driver, my loving son to war, my sister to lupus, my parents, my leg, my job, my home, and my sanity…and now, I will either lose my breasts or my life, but wtf I can't seem to lose these last 5 pounds:) what is wrong with this picture?
It's times like these when you really find out who your friends are. In one respect I feel so alone because I have 2 daughters; the only family I have left, but they are uncaring and self absorbed. How on earth did I raise 2 selfish children that are the complete opposite of me? The others in my life who matter most, are living all over the world and nowhere close to me and Lord knows they have their struggles too. But at the same time, the messages of love and support are so tangible, valuable and meaningful. It’s easy to get caught up thinking about all the A holes in this world but it’s amazing how many great people God has put on this earth.
I feel as though I have lost almost everything, but not my will. I am a fighter, and truly appreciate my life for what's it worth. Thanks to those here, who have sent your well wishes; it means more than you will ever know. Your notes mean a lot to me during this emotional time, and I can't tell you how much support helps in times like this.
If this is as serious as my MD suspects, and I do lose this battle because of no insurance; or because it’s too late, I know my son, husband, and sister will be there waiting with open arms to welcome me home to heaven; and I can only pray my bad choices in life, didn’t outweigh my goodness and my loving heart.
Although limited to what they can offer in the way of testing, I send a shout out to the amazing MD’s; who are seeing me free of charge and helping me with my referrals; I so appreciate all that you do. Thank you!
"Dear God, I am so humbled right now during this outpouring of kindness bestowed on me, by people I have never met. Please bless them and watch over them in all of their endeavors, as they too have struggles and hardships I know nothing about. Dearest Lord, please guide and heal these people who during their own trials and tribulations; have taken the time to show compassion. I am not only in awe, but am truly grateful. I pray this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."
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