Dziennik lotus2009, 20 gru 10

Good morning Lotus. I'm sorry I have been absent from your journals lately. I have been extremely busy and have not been to a lot of journals. I just finished reading several days of your journal and didn't realize you had been in contact with your "ex". In fact I didn't realize until this morning, he was the reason for all this depression. After reading all you have written, I think I can see the problem. Lotus, your belief in God is a wonderful thing. But....God is not there to answer your love life prayers. God is there to guide you to do the best thing for yourself. I don't think asking Him and asking Him to send your "ex" back is what He is there for. He is there for you to learn to be strong for yourself. This "ex" is NOT good for you, he is stringing you along, whether it is for business or love (I doubt love), and I feel you need to rid your life of him completely. 30 is NOT OLD. We have all loved greatly and lost. He may be your "soul-mate" in your mind now, but all his calls and half promises and telling you he "might" become interested again is plain CRAP! I know you love him and want him, but he is using you terribly. Be strong, stop taking his calls, tell HIM to leave YOU alone and don't call you. This is very unhealthy for you. Given time, you CAN get over him, you CAN find someone new to love AND have children with. HE IS NOT THE ONE! He will not always give you what you need. Or, leave you with children to care for and walk out the door. Please Lotus, I know this sounds cruel but you have to see what he is doing to you. Love is not like this. Love is much kinder and much sweeter than this. Get this idiot out of your life. You will suffer, which all of us have done. BUT you will move past it and love again, IF YOU LET YOURSELF. He makes me so angry and I wish you would open your eyes, stop expecting GOD to magically give you what you want. God is not there to perform such tasks magically. HE is there to help YOU help YOURSELF. One day you are up, the next down. This is not healthy and neither is the way you are losing weight. You will become sick, physically and mentally. Some men love to control their women and that is exactly what this guy is doing to you. He KNOWS how you feel and IF he really loved you, he would not dangle himself in your face then turn around and reject you. Lotus....stop this destructive behavior. I'm sure after you read this you won't want to be buddies, I understand. But I had to say this to you as I see you walking down a destructive path. Concentrate on yourself and your life, NOT HIS! I wish you only well and hope you heed this advice. I have been on this path before. There are other roads, happier roads, smoother roads and roads to a much better life with TRUE love, not his sham. I pray for you Lotus, NOT to get this guy back, but to eliminate him TOTALLY from your life. I wish you luck and love. 

Thank you my dear friend for your concern.I understand your good wishes for me.But I believe God is putting me through trials before He grants me happiness.Isn't it what true love is when it stays faithful and dedicated even in days of turbulations?Its easy to love in days when all is good but it takes a totally different level of love and dedication to be there even when things are difficult.I put my faith in God.And I know there is nothing He can't do.I believe I'm being punished for any sins I did in past.I prayed God to forgive me and let me have the love of my life back.I keep praying He makes it happen that he comes back and we marry and have beautiful babies and happy family.I'm waiting for a miracle.God granted my prayers before when I prayed wholeheartedly and He will grant my prayer again.In all adversities of life I depend on Him.I know He will grant my prayer soone or later.I'm patiently waiting.