Dziennik comebackkid, 08 lip 07

I'm frustrated and tired.

Falling down the stairs take a lot out of a person.

Getting better takes even more and I'm done with giving anything more to this, I just want to be better!!!

I'm still in pain. Although my hip has been dislodge from my rib cage, having the bones all discombobulated for so long has now left them sore and painful. To the point where I am having problems sleeping because I am having problems laying down properly and I swear NOT sleeping is making me want to eat everything in sight/think I want to eat everything in sight/dream about eating everything in sight/occasionally throw something in my mouth with disregard for how many points it might be.

The horrible thing for me is that I have plans to go on a biking vacation with my brother in a week and I'm afraid that I won't be able to make it and I've been looking forward to this vacation for five months now.

Normally, my brother and I spend the summer biking around our city (understand 6-8 hours a day on the bike) but he's finishing off his MA and can't come home for the summer. So, without him for the summer I have done minimal amounts of biking (understand to and from work) and ... and ... and ... I'm feeling like crap.

Seriously, I feel like crap.

My brother is my exercise buddy, I know that if I don't do any exercise for the entire year at least I have 5 months worth of serious biking under my belt and that I should not feel guilty.

But this year, I'm feeling as though I have nothing and to top it off for me I can't see myself doing anything for a while. The pain has been so bad that I have been crying. I just don't know how much more I will be able to take of this, and I can't see the lesson in this situation that will make me a better person and to be honest I really don't care what that lesson might be. I just WANT to be better NOW so I can go biking with my brother.

I'm feeling horrible.