Dziennik suechru

Profil suechru | Historia wagi

56 do 60 z 274

Strona: Poprzednie ... 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 ... Następny

10 listopada 2010

I think I'm getting an ulcer.

I'm really not exaggerating here. I've been in SO much pain since last night. At first, I attributed it to TOM but it's way too high (centered between my navel and boobs.) I was practically curled up at work today in a ball. (Did this WHILE I was working on my deadline.)

It hurts to eat. I'm fine actually eating but about twenty minutes - 1 hour after eating it hurts. I'm scared to eat anything.

Yes, before I get lectures, I know I need to go to a doctor and I promise I'll go to the ER if I get any warning signs of imminent death but squeezing in a doctor's appointment this week is beyond rough. Right now, I need to leave for class in like fifteen minutes but I'm so tired I can't really see straight and I'm afraid coffee might make this worse.

This is just proof that I've completely run myself into the ground this semester. I am NEVER doing this many classes again while working full-time.

(5 komentarze)

08 listopada 2010

I really like how I look these days.

Okay, sure, I wish I could lose the muffintop and some of the excess flab on my thighs but I'm generally accepting and enjoying what I see when I see myself in the mirror. Like today, I looked damn nice for work. I was wearing a new pair of heels that I got yesterday for $20 (great shoe sale), a new pair of size 18 gray slacks, a blue shirt with a gray flower on it and a sweater over it to keep from freezing. Oh and my dragonfly necklace since my necklaces no longer strangle me.

I look really nice, put together and cute. So when the opportunity came up for me to go to a holiday party (where I'd have to wear a dress), I jumped at it. Mainly because I want to go dress shopping.

Sure, I'm not going to fit into the little black dress I want for when I get to goal, but I'm going to do probably a lot better than the size 20W I wore for my birthday in May. I feel good about me and I want to look good.

Going to start looking for a dress this weekend since I'm thinking it might take me a while to find something that fits (since I might still be in the "plus size" category for dresses) and more importantly that I LIKE. Compared to my experience back in May I'm thinking it's going to be more enjoyable this time around.

Heading off to school in a bit, more later.

(5 komentarze)

07 listopada 2010

I am a force of nature!

I just killed it on my workout today. KILLED it. I had a freaking allergy attack in the middle of my walk/jog (there was some idiot BLOWING mulch around) and my shin hurts but I was still the fastest I've ever been recorded being on the trail near my house and I went almost 3.5 miles. (I might've been faster on Friday night but my logging program crapped out on me.)

I put on a pair of workout pants today that used to be tight and they're now huge. (So huge that I can pull them way too far up.) That was a pretty big surprise, even with the drawstring they're going to have to go in my "Too damn big" pile that's eventually getting donated.

Oh, did I mention I feel great and I'm not wiped out and done for the day? I jog listening to Pandora streaming usually and I had the 80s pop mix on today and I swear when I was at my tiredest "Eye of the Tiger" started playing. I giggled then started jogging. I am so going into Philly someday soon and running up the art museum stairs.

Today's the NYC Marathon and I think I'm going to run that someday. Probably not for like five years minimum but I WILL enter a marathon by the time I'm 40. (I'm 30 now.) My first choice might be the Steamtown Marathon (in Scranton, PA) since it goes through my hometown and that would be symbolic for me.

I'm really happy with my decision not to log right now, I've been much happier and experiencing so much more joy without having the pressure of numbers.

Going to shower and then maybe do a little shopping and some cleaning. I've already done some housework this morning but there's still a ton more stuff to do around here.

Affirmations for today:

1) I am a force of nature

2) Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans

3) Change your thoughts, change your habits, change your mind, change your body, change your life

(5 komentarze)

07 listopada 2010

One of the nice things about losing weight is fitting back into "regular" stores. Sure, I could probably still shop at say Lane Bryant, but why would I when I now fit back into the largest size at NY & Company, or a 16(!!!) at Old Navy. I even bought a pair of size 18 pants from JcPenney in the Misses department recently.

This means a lot to me obviously. Firstly, it's so much fun to go shopping and not be relegated to the plus size dept (which is always in some horrible godforsaken corner of a department store) or the "fat girl's shop". The clothing options in these locations are either ridiculously expensive and/or really freaking ugly. Someone had accurately described it as picking there "what looks the least awful" and it's really the case. There's seldom things that are cute in these places. It makes shopping anwyhere between a drag and a nightmare when you go to the mall and have to pass all this adorable stuff that you know doesn't come in your size only to go choose some ugly crap that you hate the least.

Every normal store I fit (back) into is like a victory. This week I discovered I'm officially back into Victoria's Secret pajamas. Their flannel sets are SO cute and they even come in a longer length (which for me I love since pajamas are one of those things that can be too short on me.) It was a sad day when I had to give up my cherished VS star flannels back in January (because I'd gotten so fat I popped a seam in them) and had to scrounge to find the XXL pajama pants I barely fit into from Old Navy (note, those are the same pants that I took a picture of myself wearing a month or so ago that I can now pull up to my boobs.)

But this week, just in time for it getting cold in New Jersey, I am officially comfortably back into my VS flannels (yes, I had more than one set - the star ones were my favorites though.) In fact, I'm comfortably back into all my XL pajamas from there. It's really exciting to me because that also means I can go into the store and pick up something cute pj wise if it catches my eye. (For the record, I prefer to order my pjs from their website if there's pants involved since I like the longer length.) I'm going to have to treat myself to a new pair of flannels when the Christmas sales start. (I am not paying $50 for a pair of pajamas.)

Every Christmas, it's a tradition in my family to get a new pair of pajamas on Christmas eve from Santa. The last few years mine have just BARELY fit (basically I had to squeeze into them.) Last year's pair was a 2XL. I'm actually really looking forward to the holidays since it's now going to be likely that the pair I get is too big since my family hasn't seen me since the summer.

(2 komentarze)

06 listopada 2010

I love red wine.

I had forgotten how much I absolutely adore red wine. A glass of red wine for me is like perfection (provided, of course, that it's good wine.) I love the pretty way it looks in the glass, I love the smell, I love the taste. I love wine so much that I dreamed of owning a vineyard and making my own wine.

I had basically outlawed wine for myself over the past few months. Sure, I had some now and then - mostly when I was out and would order it instead of something higher calorie, but mostly what I got at happy hours was the house red wine which is iffy.

I had stopped drinking wine for a few reasons. The first was that towards the end of unemployment I would go through a bottle of wine by myself during the day and I was starting to get scared that I was heading toward alcoholism (a legit concern since I have it on both sides of my family). The other reason was the "wasted calories", alcohol slows down metabolism thing.

My thinking sometimes tends toward extremes (if you haven't noticed) and it's a lot of work for me to find a middle ground. I had a bottle of wine from last weekend that was still open and it was good wine so I figured what the hell, I'll have a glass while I take a bubble bath.

It was like just pure ecstasy to have a glass of wine. I know that sounds absolutely insane, but one of my favorite things at the end of a long day/week was to have a good glass of wine. (Preferably red, I really love red wine.) To be able to do that again was just... sheer delight. I realized that with wine NOT being off limits (as it was for me mentally), one glass was all I needed. Sure, there's still wine left in the bottle but I don't feel compelled to finish it tonight.

I think this is a key for a lot of things, the more you tell yourself you can't have something (chocolate, wine, cookies, chips, etc.) the more you want it and when you finally do cave and have it you end up having more.

I just worked 42 hours in four days and took a midterm (this is all since Wednesday morning). Having a glass of wine and taking a wonderful smelling bath was the best.thing.ever.

Foodwise, I think I'm fine. If I had to guess I'm somewhere between 1500 - 1800 calories including the wine (and I did eat actual meals). As I said last night, I'm not logging as part of my experiment trying to break the influence numbers have on me. Also going to try to schedule a hot stone massage for the next week sometime. I haven't actually had one of those before so I'm excited.

Affirmations for today:
1) Self-denial is no way to live, indulging when the urge strikes is a good healthy thing

2) I am a force of nature

3) Rest is essential, it's absolutely necessary to take breaks and there's no need to feel guilty about it

4) Change your thoughts, change your habits, change your mind, change your body, change your life.

(3 komentarze)

Historia Wagi suechru

Zobacz Pełną Historię